I am a doer. When life gets overwhelming, I need to go and do things. Part of that is natural for me. I am an extrovert after all. But there is a part that isn’t so natural. Sitting still when there is so much going on, inside and out, is so unbelievably difficult for me. Doing things puts my mind elsewhere, on a task that can be done then, rather than on the chaos that isn’t so controllable or easy to mark off the list.
We are moving in less than a month, and all I can think about is buying things for the new house and going out. Being out. I never really considered this an issue until, well, I got engaged to an introvert. Stephen reacts in the opposite way I do. Be still, say home, do nothing. And, oh boy, does that make for some interesting, not so fun arguments right now.
So today, after arguing about it, I sat in it. I prayed about it. And you know what. I’m sad. I’m sad to be leaving my family behind. I’m sad to be leaving my friends behind. I’m sad to be leaving the city that, despite all of our moves, only ever really felt like home. I’m nervous about moving into this new, small community, not only as a new resident, but as the new pastor’s soon to be wife. And I’m crying. I don’t cry when I’m doing and going. I only cry when I’m sitting in it, like a big mess of laundry needing to be put neatly away.
Isn’t it funny?! Lately I have thought to myself how distant from God I’ve felt, but with all the rushing and doing, how in the world am I going to hear the Spirits whisper, of feel God’s tug. Maybe I know that if I stop running around, God will make me sit in it. I guess today I’m realizing that I don’t have to sit alone. God is in my pile of laundry with me, and has given me a fiancé who thinks, and does, differently than I do so that we can learn from each other and grow together.
I’m still a doer. I like to go out, see new places, and meet new people. It’s part of who I am and what brings me joy, but I have to make time for being still, even when it means crying into a mess of laundry. I admit it, Stephen’s onto something, and I just need to sit with him while we move into what comes next, together.