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Breathe {What I discovered today}

{Sounds from Hay Beach}

For the first time since all of our family departed, I spent this morning exploring this new place that we live; this oddly shaped island that is covered in beaches, hills, docks, and a giant nature preserve. After dropping by the only coffee shop on the island, which, by the grace of God, has great coffee, I went out to find the beach that Stephen and I have become so fond of: Hay Beach. 30 minutes later, with plenty of wrong turns, the discovery of 2 beautiful swans, and a run in with some turkeys, I found the little turn off.

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The island right now is hopping, quadrupling in size every weekend, but when I arrived at the beach, there was no one there. Just the fog, the rocky sand, and me. Coffee in hand I sat down near the water, listening to it come in and out. It was eery. All the land near by, the scenic views and picturesque nature was cover with a dense blanket of fog. Not quite the moment I was hoping for after several days with my nose in a statistics book.

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Rather than up and leave, which is pretty typical of me, I stayed. The day had already brought me surprises as I had tried to find this piece of beach. Maybe, just maybe, there would be a few more. Boy, am I glad I stayed! About 30 minutes, and several pictures of my feet in the sand later, the mist lifted, revealing a perfectly blue sky, boats passing by, and all the scenic pieces of this beach that we have fallen in love with.

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This move has had so many ups and downs to it, and while Stephen is getting settled into the career he has worked so hard for, I’m  feeling a tad up in the air. There are still so many things hidden and unknown, and I’m usually not very good at waiting around until the fog lifts. I used to put so much of my identity in being settled: job, apartment, friends, money. Since the accident, I haven’t quite been able to grasp all those, what I thought were, rooted things. Even the identity of fiancé is a temporary position until the promotion of, permanent, wife. I feel like a kite, flying in the fog that sat still and heavy this morning and Stephen is holding the string. I keep rolling over in my head Jeremiah 17:8:

Happy are those who trust in the Lord,
who rely on the Lord. They will be like trees planted by the streams,
whose roots reach down to the water.
They won’t fear drought when it comes;
their leaves will remain green.
They won’t be stressed in the time of drought
or fail to bear fruit.

It’s taken some time, some therapy, and some letting go to realize that the only identity that I can every truly stay rooted in is as God’s creation, placed on this earth to serve and worship and praise my Creator. That’s it. Fog or no fog, the sky is still there. The ocean is still there. God is still there, and I am still God’s. That’s where my roots lie. I just hope I can remember that when the fog lifts and earthly things become such attractive identifiers again. Maybe days like today will help me do just that.



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